Happy Birthday
by Shadow Dancer666
Summary: What happens when Zack decides to give Sephiroth a birthday. SephirothxZack Crack, Oneshot


**Finally! a new story. this is a one-shot and i hope you enjoy it.**

**Title: Happy Birthday**

**Pairing: SephirothxZack**

**Rating: PG-13 for suggestive themes**

**Disclaimer: the only thing i own is the plot, please don't sue me. i can't even afford to pay attention. **

It was a day like any other day. Except that today Zack discovered something new. We all know what happens when Zack learns something new.

General Sephiroth was enjoying the silence and solitude of his early breakfast so much that he didn't notice a certain black-haired pokey-head slowly rise up form under the table into the seat right next to him. The pokey-headed soldier stared at Sephiroth for a minute before he decided that it was safe.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEPHIROTH!"

The General almost succeeded in stabbing every eating utensil into Zack, but Zack used an innocent bystander as a body shield. Zack grabbed his human shield's plate full of delicious breakfast before tossing the body on the neighboring table.

"Zachary, what are you babbling about? Today's not my birthday."

Zack had a Midgar sized smile.

"Now it is! Ya see, I found out today that no one knows when your birthday is, so you've never had a birthday party. It's jus not right to not have a birthday party, so I decided that today is your birthday and I'm a gonna throw you a party!"

Zack finished his sentence with conviction by standing on his chair.

"Burn in Hell," was the General's unamused reply.

"Huh? Why? It's a great idea!"

"I don't need a birthday, and certainly not one organized by you."

With that Sephiroth stood up and left Zack to ponder his next move. Of course only an idiot like Zack would be undeterred after such a blatant rebuke by Sephiroth.

Zack spent the rest of the day popping out of trash cans, air vents, and any other suitable hiding place asking Sephiroth the same question over and over.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

At first, Sephiroth had no problem ignoring Zack, but the final straw was when Zack jumped into the bathroom stall Sephiroth was using. That. Was. It.

"Zachary! Leave me alone! By Odin, why can't you just leave me alone! Do you want to know what I want for my birthday? Fine. I want you to leave me alone!"

Zack's smile faltered, but he managed to reply with an "Okie dokie!"

Sephiroth never thought that Zack would actually leave him alone, but he was surprised when Zack did leave him alone. At first Sephiroth was relieved, but soon he found himself longing for Zack's friendly face. For his laughter. For his company.

After Sephiroth finished his paperwork he practically flew to his apartment. He swung the door open, but was disappointed when he was met with nothing but darkness.

"Zack?" he whispered.

Then a candle was lit in the kitchen, easily seen from the front door. A single candle decorated a simple white frosted cake. The light of the candle illuminated Zack's serene face.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…"

Zack's sweet voice sang the traditional birthday song while Sephiroth gently closed the door behind him and sat across the table from Zack. After the song concluded Zack smiled even bigger.

"Hey, Sephiroth, make a wish and blow the candle out."

Sephiroth remained silent and for a minute Zack was afraid that Sephiroth still wasn't going to participate in the birthday ritual. To his surprise Sephiroth leaned down and blew out the candle casting them both into darkness. Zack's Mako enhanced eyes allowed him to easily see Sephiroth leaning towards him, and he opened his mouth expectantly. The General didn't disappoint Zack. Their mouths met and their tongues wrestled lovingly. After a few tender minutes, the two ended their kiss.

"Happy birthday!" Zack exclaimed. "Now, here's your birthday present!"

Since Sephiroth's eyes could easily see in the dark, they didn't bother turning on any lights.

"You got me a present?"

"Yep," Zack replied with a puffed up chest.

Sephiroth vaguely wondered if he should be worried about what Zack got him, but decided to push that thought back.

Zack pulled out a long, badly wrapped box. Sephiroth gingerly peeled off the wrapping. When nothing blew up, he proceeded to open the box. Sephiroth's eyebrows shot up and he smiled broadly.

"Zack, how did you-"

Zack interrupted Sephiroth with a raised hand.

"I knew you needed a new one."

Inside the box was a leather sheath for Masamune embroidered with gold dragons.

"I was actually wondering how you knew the dimensions for Masamune."

"Well, you swing it at me so much that I've memorized everything about your baby."

Sephiroth's smile turned predatory when he saw what else was in the box. Two pairs of handcuffs.

"Let's go break these in, shall we, Zack?" Sephiroth purred.

"Sorry, but ya gotta wait a little longer. I've still got a tiered cake to pop out of in nothing but a tie."

"Your ass is mine," Sephiroth growled teasingly.

Zack squeaked and ran to the bedroom to prepare for his cake-popping action. As Sephiroth was waiting patiently, he caught a whiff of something strange.

"Zack, were you cooking anything?"

"Yeah, I was mak-"

Zack's answer was cut off when the entire stovetop went up in a glorious blaze.

"YOU IDIOT!"

The end.

**Tada! i hope you liked it. please review!**


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